Rejection is a natural part of life. Whether you are getting rejected from a game at recess or shooting your shot at #FutureBae fails, it happens. We have all dealt with rejection at various stages of our lives. Though it sucks, its something that we will continuously deal with for the rest of our lives.
It is quite easy for some to take the punches and dust themselves off like nothing happened. But for others, it is hard to not take these sorts of rejections personally. I am one of the latter. I have been rejected more times than I can count. From friends, men, jobs, groups etc.,so I have had a bit of practice in how to cope with such uncomfortable situations.
We have to stop thinking of rejection as failure. Just because something doesn’t pan out how we had hoped or planned, does not mean that we have failed. Who said our plan was the only way to reach our goal? Who said this was your soulmate? Who said this was your dream job? We typically put these pressures on ourselves based on our desired plans, not facts. What is for you if for you, and no one can take that away. Trust in their being a greater plan for your life. Let God take the wheel. God’s plan is always better than our own.
Stop analyzing what you “did wrong.” Everyone has personal preferences, and you might not be everyone’s cup of tea. That is 100% okay. You are you and there is nothing you can change about that. If you presented your best self in any given situation, you cannot blame yourself for others not accepting you. That is their loss.You will never be able to force someone to like you or accept you. Honestly, would your really want a situation that was forced anyway? Do your best and forget the rest.
In the same breath, if you feel you need to change yourself to be accepted by that friend, that guy, that job, or that clique; then that is the first sign that you didn’t belong there in the first place. If you want to truly walk in your own truth, you can never try to adjust to please someone else. You should strive everyday to make yourself happy and be satisfied in who you are. Fuck what they think. At the end of the day, you have to live with who you are.
Another tip is to seek God before you seek people. Naturally, we try to please those around us, which is another reason its quite hard to deal with rejection. We often fear we have disappointed not only ourselves, but those close to us as well. As hard as it may be, it is important to rememmebr that trying to please everyone else is the quickest way to drive ourselves crazy. Put your focus on you and your relationship with God. Once you start to feel more comfortable in that, it makes it easier to accept the not so easy rejections.
He will always bring the right person or situation around that you need. You already know he may not come when you want Him, but he always is on time. He is the only person we should be seeking validation from. I promise that if you put more focus on God, he makes things fall into place so effortlessly that you begin to wonder why you were even trippin’ off that rejection in the first place.
Always remember that you are a gem. One of a kind and unique in every way. No one can do you better than you can. Every obstacle, rejection, or unplanned step is all apart of His ultimate plan. There are no wrong moves, only wrong reactions. Don’t beat yourself up or put yourself down because of what someone has told you or done to you. You’ve over come before and you will again.
I’ve dealt with this many times with friends and have even lost some due to it. When I entered into a new relationship last year, I was determined to not become that girl. As much as everything is puppies and rainbows in the beginning of a relationship, it may not always be that way. The last thing you want to do is put all your time and energy into your S.O, then you all break up and you’re left alone with no friends.
So far, so good. I have managed to split my time pretty well. No one is feeling neglected, and I still have time for myself. I think it is important to remember to not get caught up in pleasing everyone. Make sure you are happy with how you are spending your time because at the end of the day, you have to live with your decisions. I have been learning on the job, but here are a few tips on how to balance it all.
Initially, I was feeling a uneasy about this year. Though this year has started off much better than the last in terms of my personal and professional life, I’ve been struggling to deal with the changes that are about to hit our country. Mainly because Uncle and Auntie Obama are leaving the White House and my country has left me in the hands of Mr. Potato Head himself. Seriously, I have shed tears everyday this month thinking about them leaving.
5/5 Snaps
Reading App – If you are a bookworm like myself, this is perfect. Reading is coupled with a ton of benefits such as mental stimulation, vocabulary expansion, and improved analytical thinking skills. I use the Kindle App because I can sync whatever book I have on my tablet and read it during my commute to work, which often tends to be the only time I get to read anyway.
Devotional App – I’ve had a daily devotional app for years and I am not proud to say, I only really opened it every now and again. It is called “Devotion”and at 7 am and 7 pm it sends a notification of a new scripture with a short explanation and critical thinking question.
Of course I love big voluminous hair, but it was important for me to not feel ugly because of my shrinkage. My wash days were planned specifically so that I could wash my hair and not have to leave my house the next day. That was a problem for me.
Half the battle in working out is literally getting dressed and starting.
When dating, this is one of the most important aspects. If your desire to hold a conversation with the other, much less even respond starts to fade, it might be a sign you should cut it off. The same thing goes the other way around. When phone calls and texts become less frequent with no explanation, take it as a sign something shady is going on. No one is too busy for someone they care about. You make time for what you want to make time for.
There is no way to have a healthy and happy relationship of either a romantic or platonic nature if honesty isn’t in the mix. Of course we all tell little white lies or omit details, but if you feel the need to tell a BOLD FACED lie and feel no remorse, that means the feelings of the other person don’t matter much to you. Just let it go and let them find someone who cares enough to keep it 100 with them. On the other side of the coin, if you can tell you are being lied to, cut them off. They aren’t trippin’ off of you, so don’t trip of them. Someone who lies to you or makes constant excuses for their own sake doesn’t have much respect for you anyway. Let them run their mouth to someone else.
If someone is making you feel insecure or uncertain about your place, its typically apart of “the game.” You know the game. The one where you strategically do or say things to keep the other guessing. Well that is all fine and dandy, until someone is sitting there lost in the sauce about what the hell is really going on.
If you go from talking to someone like they are your best friend to pulling teeth to have a conversation, it’s over. You should not have to force conversation with anyone, especially someone you are attempting to build a relationship with. Boring and bland conversation is someone’s way of slowly dropping you without having to say it. “Mia, how do you know? Well, I’ve been the victim and I’ve been the culprit (oops), so I can only share what I have seen and have done.
Tame the jealousy – Even though you may accept that you are in different places that does not mean you won’t get jealous. YOU ARE IN FACT A HUMAN! Jealousy can creep up on you when you are focused on others progress and not enough on your own personal growth. Did your friend get promoted before you? Are you low-key hating because they make more money than you? As a friend you want them to succeed! So as Joey Gladstone has said time and time again, CUT IT OUT. No one likes a hater.
Be considerate and check in – Last time you talked, maybe a friend didn’t seem so good. Take the time from your new busy life to still be a good friend. Send a “Hey, how are you are?” text or maybe an uplifting affirmation or scripture. A phone call can go a long way as well. Even if your friend is doing well, if you see something that reminds you of them, hit them up. Everyone wants to know that they are thought about and loved.
It’s important to be able to kick it and be surrounded by their love. Make the sacrifice, save your money and plan stuff! GO on a vacation or hang out inside for free. Sometimes a little girl times binging Netflix and scarfing Talenti is needed. We3 has reunited in some capacity for homecoming (September) New Year’s (December) and graduation (May); with reunions in July and August soon to follow.It’s not always easy, but we make it work.
Mia Nicholson 