It’s Not Your Door: How To Deal With Rejection

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Rejection is a natural part of life. Whether you are getting rejected from a game at recess or shooting your shot at #FutureBae fails, it happens. We have all dealt with rejection at various stages of our lives. Though it sucks, its something that we will continuously deal with for the rest of our lives.

It is quite easy for some to take the punches and dust themselves off like nothing happened. But for others, it is hard to not take these sorts of rejections personally. I am one of the latter. I have been rejected more times than I can count. From friends, men, jobs, groups etc.,so I have had a bit of practice in how to cope with such uncomfortable situations.

giphy-19We have to stop thinking of rejection as failure.  Just because something doesn’t pan out how we had hoped or planned, does not mean that we have failed. Who said our plan was the only way to reach our goal? Who said this was your soulmate? Who said this was your dream job? We typically put these pressures on ourselves based on our desired plans, not facts. What is for you if for you, and no one can take that away. Trust in their being a greater plan for your life. Let God take the wheel. God’s plan is always better than our own.

giphy-23Stop analyzing what you “did wrong.” Everyone has personal preferences, and you might not be everyone’s cup of tea. That is 100% okay. You are you and there is nothing you can change about that. If you presented your best self in any given situation, you cannot blame yourself for others not accepting you. That is their loss.You will never be able to force someone to like you or accept you. Honestly, would your really want a situation that was forced anyway? Do your best and forget the rest.

 

giphy-9In the same breath, if you feel you need to change yourself to be accepted by that friend, that guy, that job, or that clique; then that is the first sign that you didn’t belong there in the first place. If you want to truly walk in your own truth, you can never try to adjust to please someone else. You should strive everyday to make yourself happy and be satisfied in who you are. Fuck what they think. At the end of the day, you have to live with who you are. 

Another tip is to seek God before you seek people. Naturally, we try to please those around us, which is another reason its quite hard to deal with rejection. We often fear we have disappointed not only ourselves, but those close to us as well. As hard as it may be, it is important to rememmebr that trying to please everyone else is the quickest way to drive ourselves crazy. Put your focus on you and your relationship with God. Once you start to feel more comfortable in that, it makes it easier to accept the not so easy rejections.

He will always bring the right person or situation around that you need. You already know he may not come when you want Him, but he always is on time. He is the only person we should be seeking validation from. I promise that if you put more focus on God, he makes things fall into place so effortlessly that you begin to wonder why you were even trippin’ off that rejection in the first place.

giphy-17Always remember that you are a gem. One of a kind and unique in every way. No one can do you better than you can. Every obstacle, rejection, or unplanned step is all apart of His ultimate plan. There are no wrong moves, only wrong reactions. Don’t beat yourself up or put yourself down because of what someone has told you or done to you. You’ve over come before and you will again.

 

Balancing Act: Juggling your bae and your besties

No one likes the girl that abandons all her friends as soon as she gets a significant other! LITERALLY, NO ONE WILL EVER LIKE THAT GIRL.

giphy-8I’ve dealt with this many times with friends and have even lost some due to it. When I entered into a new relationship last year, I was determined to not become that girl. As much as everything is puppies and rainbows in the beginning of a relationship, it may not always be that way. The last thing you want to do is put all your time and energy into your S.O, then you all break up and you’re left alone with no friends.

I can’t lie and pretend like it is easy to balance the two. Sometimes, I honestly don’t want to hang out with anyone else but my boyfriend. Other times, my friends have weekends of events planned and no matter how much I want to go to everything, I have to remember to make time for my man too.

she winsSo far, so good. I have managed to split my time pretty well. No one is feeling neglected, and I still have time for myself. I think it is important to remember to not get caught up in pleasing everyone. Make sure you are happy with how you are spending your time because at the end of the day, you have to live with your decisions. I have been learning on the job, but here are a few tips on how to balance it all.

  1. Your S.O. and your friends can be friends too!
    • For me, this has been pretty easy. I met my boyfriend through his best friend, so he is already a part of my crew. It makes going out and weekend activities much easier when bae and besties are all friends as well. At the same time, you cannot force your boyfriend and your friends to get along.  As partners, you should both be open and willing to meet and get to know each other’s friends. They are a huge part of your life and you want to incorporate your significant other. No one wants to have to live two lives. In past relationships, I have been with guys who had no intentions of being friends with my friends, needless to say they got dropped.
  2. Communicate openly with everyone
    • Personally, I feel terrible when a friend reaches out to me to hangout and I already have plans with my boyfriend. I also feel guilty when my boyfriend wants to spend time together and I have a friend obligation. That’s honestly just because I am a partially a people pleaser. Well, I want to please those I care about at least. The best way to handle these situations is to be open as to why you cannot attend, and offer another time. THIS ONLY WORKS IF YOU DON’T CANCEL. I am guilty of flaking on stuff due to this super cold NY winter, but you will feel like a much better S.O. or friend if you follow through, not to mention it will mean a lot to them as well.
  3. Hang out with your couple friends
    • Friends that are in relationships too are awesome to have. Double dating is a great way to hang out with your friends while still getting to be boo’d with your SO. Hanging out with your couple friends is different than hanging out with your friends, as they don’t get grossed out when you are canoodling and sneaking kisses with bae.
  4. Have a loose “schedule”
    • Your schedule shouldn’t be concrete, I mean, live a little. But you should take the initiative to make sure to spread your time around. Schedule a girls night ahead of time. If you are the one orchestrating the turn-up, it demonstrates that you are making an effort. Set a day of the week for date night with bae. A schedule will ensure that you are not only spreading your time around, but keeping yourself a priority.

It is 100% possible to have it all. Friendships, like romantic relationships, require work. You cannot expect to have good friends if you don’t know how to be one.

 

Well, Hello 2017!

Personally, I had a rather roller-coaster year in 2016.  I made the leap to New York, I made a leap to a new job, and I made a leap into a new relationship. All of these happenings left me feeling pretty damn proud of myself. In 2016, I gained a deeper understanding of my own strength, intelligence, and opinions. I stood for what I believed in and I pushed through some very difficult times.

Although, I accomplished a great deal in 2016, there are a few goals I failed at. I didn’t blog consistently, didn’t start my book, didn’t travel, and didn’t hit my fitness goal. I know that seems like a lot I didn’t do, but cut me a break.

giphy-3Initially,  I was feeling a uneasy about this year. Though this year has started off much better than the last in terms of my personal and professional life, I’ve been struggling to deal with the changes that are about to hit our country. Mainly because Uncle and Auntie Obama are leaving the White House and my country has left me in the hands of Mr. Potato Head himself. Seriously, I have shed tears everyday this month thinking about them leaving.
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Despite that tragedy, this week of 2017 has instilled some new hope in me. Tracee Ellis Ross made history at the Golden Globes reminding me that my #BlackGirlMagic can never fade, and justice has been served in the sentencing of that little psycho who ruined Wednesday night bible study due to an insurmountable amount of hatred in his heart.

Are those signs that we will overcome in 2017? I sure hope so. Regardless, I know that I, like many of you reading this, have goals and plans to turn into reality this year. Goals that I refuse to let anyone stand in the way of.

Now that we are in the New Year, I felt it necessary to share my goals for 2017 with you. Setting last years goals in New Year, New Me or Nah and having you all as accountability patterns really helped me to reach new heights, and I want to do this together this time. Comment some of your goals for the year below!

My 2017 goals

  • Visit three new places
  • Read one new book a month
  • Improve my overall health by working out 3 times a week and sticking to a healthier diet
  • Overcome my biggest insecurity
  • Join a new organization
  • Prepare for and apply to graduate school
  • Move into a new apartment
  • Follow my savings and financial plan
  • Put forth full effort into MiaInTheMedia
  • Join a ministry at church

2017 is going to be a year to test the strength, values, beliefs, and grit within us all. It will challenges us in ways in which we have yet to be challenged be it intellectually, mentally, emotionally, and maybe even physically. But at the end of the day, 2017 is a year we cannot slack off. It is the year of perseverance, dedication, and hard work. It is the year of success. Most importantly it, its is the year to remain unbothered about all the naysayers and haters that are sure to come your way.

So cheers to your blank slate, your fresh start, and your newly found dedication. I pray that you hold fast to it throughout the entire year!

Xoxo,

Mia

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

Maya Angelou

#MiaInTheCity: Rustik Tavern

Rustic Tavern is a intimate dimly lit bar with a cozy & laid back feel. Located right in Bed-Stuy Brooklyn right off the G, it is one of the first bars I was introduced to when I moved to New York. With a super cute outdoor patio area, it makes for a great place to gather with friends for an after work pick me up.

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The staff at Rustik is consistently warm, friendly, and welcoming. attentive and provide awesome service. They leave no stone unturned and always take care of your needs in a timely manner. They have great happy hour apps and food too! Well drinks are $6 and happy hour goes until 8pm.


Thursday
nights are especially perfect because it’s Ladies Night so happy hour prices are extended throughout the night for my ladies. Oh did I mention Thursday night is also Karaoke night? The karaoke host is awesome at engaging the crowd and encourages everyone to hop on stage. So after you get a little tipsy, go ahead and hop on stage and show off your singing chops. Overall…

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4 Types of Apps Every Phone Addict Needs

We are addicted to our cell phones. It’s okay to admit it. It’s the first step! My phone broke recently and I went 10 days without one.

Yes, I said 10 DAYS.

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After the initial panic attack, I was able to get on with my life. In the first few days, I realized that a majority of the things I used my phone for, were relatively pointless. Constantly checking social media, screen shotting any and everything, and taking an unhealthy amount of Snapchats.

Of course, I am back to all of this now that I’m connected again, but I have made a conscious effort to also bring more constructive usage to it as well.

Every day on my commute to work from my Brooklyn abode, I see people spending their commute playing Candy Crush and watching Netflix.  Now don’t get me wrong, after work I often need to decompress and a couple rounds of Subway Surfers typically does the trick, but to get my morning and brain off to a good working start, I tend to do something a little more constructive. Check out my suggestions for some apps to have on your phone for fun, relaxation, brain building and personal growth.

giphy-24Reading App – If you are a bookworm like myself, this is perfect. Reading is coupled with a ton of benefits such as mental stimulation, vocabulary expansion, and improved analytical thinking skills. I use the Kindle App because I can sync whatever book I have on my tablet and read it during my commute to work, which often tends to be the only time I get to read anyway.

Brain Teaser App – If you are like me, you probably took or are taking some sort of language course. Well after 8 years of Spanish, I don’t really speak the language well anymore at all. I went from having full conversations to struggling to remember how to tell people where I’m from. Duolingo is a pretty cool app that lets you practice basically any language and track your progress. Though it is not necessarily a game, it feels like one.

giphy-25Devotional App – I’ve had a daily devotional app for years and I am not proud to say, I only really opened it every now and again. It is called “Devotion”and at 7 am and 7 pm it sends a notification of a  new scripture with a short explanation and critical thinking question.

Another favorite of mine is Daughters of the King. Each day it shares a mini lesson/testimony followed with a prayer. With women of all ages from all over submitting, it’s a great app to aid in your journey of becoming a Proverbs 31 kind of woman, ya know?

If you are on a journey to get closer to God like myself, both of these will prove to be extremely useful. It takes all of 10 minutes to read the daily devotionals and give them some thought. You can give a few minutes a day to study God’s word, don’t ya think?

News App – Mia, why do I need to read the news? It’s depressing and full of propaganda and lies anyway.  Well cynic, I agree but knowing what is going on in the world around you is still very important.

Personal story that no one asked for but I’m going to share anyway time!

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While a journalism major at Howard University, every week we had to take these DREADFUL news quizzes in which most of the class failed time and time again. One day we finally asked “WHY DO WE HAVE TO TAKE THESE?” The answer to that question has stuck with me and is the reason I spend a little bit of time each day checking the news.

My professor answered, “Because at any given time, you need to be able to hold an intelligent conversation with anyone about anything, and the only way to do that is to stay informed.”

With that being said, I also make sure to read what’s going on in my areas of interest as well. I’m an entertainment junkie so I am sure to read The Wrap and Variety as often as I check The Huffington Post and Washington Post. The News App on iPhones is awesome because you can tailor it to your interest.

Let me know if you decide to try any of these and if they are helpful to you and your journey!

Maintain the Mane: #2 My Perspective on Shrinkage

My big chop went down on February 22, 2012 in the dorm room of one of my best friends. I knew very early on that my hair was tightly coiled, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized I have some INTENSE shrinkage. Like…a lot.

As my hair grew longer, my fro did grow in volume, but I had felt that for the past few months, I had reached a plateau. My fro, Nala as I have affectionately named her, seemed to be growing thicker and thicker, rather than longer. I couldn’t figure out what it was so I figured it was my hair trying to get used to this new dirty and humid New York environment. Although my hair did have to readjust to the water and humidity of a new city, there was something more. Why is my hair so lack luster, why am I hating my once beloved fro?

Many natural haired girls get caught up in the beautiful bouncy 3b/c fro’s that flood Instagram and YouTube, and long for the day in which their hair will reach that point. But understanding your hair type and setting realistic goals for yourself is one of the most important aspects of your natural hair journey.

img_0059Of course I love big voluminous hair, but it was important for me to not feel ugly because of my shrinkage. My wash days were planned specifically so that I could wash my hair and not have to leave my house the next day. That was a problem for me.

As a black woman, I feel it’s instilled in us to take pride in our mane. For me to have gone through such a long natural hair journey, and over 4 years later still feeling “ugly” opened my eyes to a much deeper psychologically embedded issue. Why does long hair = beautiful hair? Why do looser curls correlate with more beautiful curls? Why do I care if my hair doesn’t appear to be “long”?

This past weekend was the first time I went out confidently with my hair freshly washed and not manipulated. The experience was…liberating to day the least.

After washing, deep conditioning, trimming and moisturizing Nala, I stood in the mirror and took some time to truly examine her. Each corkscrew curl and coil. What did I notice?

  1. Each strand was healthy, shiny, and moisturized
  2. As I examined, I watched her begin to shrink in a matter of minutes.

I managed to get in a cute Snapchat, tossing my fro back and forth, but that quickly came to an end when coils retreated tightly towards my head. But for once, I wasn’t upset. My hair was healthy and that’s all I really wanted right?

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(Don’t mind the extraness, I was jamin’ out to Me Too by Meghan Trainor)

Then I decided to do a length check, something I rarely do and noticed my hair had grown significantly since the last time I did one. That’s when I realized, my hair hasn’t plateaued, it has just begin to shrink more.

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At that moment I began to look at shrinkage as a part of loving my hair. There are many reasons I went natural, but the goal was to love myself and feel beautiful in whole without any need to manipulate my appearance. I wanted to be able to feel confident, beautiful, and sexy as I am naturally. This past weekend, I realized that a decision, not a hair length, is the only thing that could make that happen.

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So whether I look like I’ve big chopped last near, or nearly 5 years ago, it doesn’t matter. What matters is the health of my hair, and rocking it with full confidence.

xoxo,

Mia

 

Are You Busy or Are You Lazy? 3 Easy Things to Incorporate Into Your ‘Hectic’ Schedule

So many times I catch myself saying, “I would love to do XYZ more but I’m just so busy.” Sometimes I get creative and switch it up with “I am so tired, I just need to rest.” Either way, most of the time I am just being lazy or looking for some sort of justification as to why I am not doing said action.

Yeah, I am busy. But in all actuality, I have much more time than I lead myself to believe and I feel that this is the case with most of my peers as well. It’s easy to say “Well I need to relax,” or “My brain needs a break,” but who said those times of relaxation and brain breaks can’t be something constructive.

Of course I am not saying that is not okay to relax.

I’ll be dammed if I don’t watch #TGIT every week and not LIVE TWEET!

But in the same breath I think, “Mia, did you have to watch the ENTIRE season of [insert latest Nexflix obsession] in one day.”

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No.

No Mia, you did not.

So what are some alternative ways to spend down time while also still working to grow physically, mentally, and spiritually? These are just a few alternatives I have come up with and have been actively working into my life.

Reading

I know lots of people don’t enjoy reading, but I firmly believe it is one of the best ways to unwind while expanding your imagination and vocabulary. Don’t give me the typical “it makes me sleepy” excuse either.  That just means you are reading the wrong genre of books.

Anything you want to know can be found in a book, so search for titles and topics that interest you. Make Google your friend! I enjoy books that I find inspirational, informative, and teach me something. You won’t catch me reading The Hunger Games, but you will catch me reading titles like:

“The Wait: A Powerful Practice for Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life You Love” by Devon and Meagan Franklin

“Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person” by Shonda Rhimes

“Between the World and Me” by Ta-Nehisi Coates

If those aren’t your style, check out obsessivecompulsivereads.com. She has tons of books reviews spanning all kinds of genres!

Fitness

This is when I recognize that I am being a complete hypocrite because I have fell off my fitness…heavily. But I’m working to get back to it so I have some sort of authority, right? I know working out doesn’t sound nearly as appealing as lying in bed all Saturday watching Law and Order SVU, but it does do your mind and body well. giphy-16Half the battle in working out is literally getting dressed and starting.
When do you hear people regret working out? It release tension in your body, helps boost your energy, improves your mood and combats all kinds of health issues!

When I feel like I need to get my ass in shape, I consult FitnessDani for some hardcore yet doable in home workouts, but for my relaxation and clarity purposes, I’m a fan of yoga.

Check out DoYogaWithMe.com for free online yoga practices or check out my two favorite YouTube yogis, Yoga with Adriene and Boho Beautiful, for yoga practices you can do I the comfort of your own home for all levels! If that fails, do squats while you watch binge your shows at least.

 Journaling/Reflection

One of the best ways to decompress from the day and collect your thoughts is to take 15 minutes and write it all down. Now I admit, as a writer, this probably sounds more appealing to me than it might to others, but journaling helps to provide clarity on your current situation and allows you to explore the hundreds of thoughts running through your head. I know is a hard habit to get into, but it’s both beneficial and rewarding to see your progress. Of course some days will be overflowing with positivity while others might be full of pain and angst, but months from now, all of those journal entries will help to fuel you in your next steps.

Personal story that no one asked for but I’m going to share anyway time!

When packing to leave St. Louis in February, I found a journal entry from June 2015, one month after my graduation and one month into my post grad depression. It was amazing to see exactly how I was thinking and what was going on in my mind at that time. It was the perfect push I needed in solidifying my leap to move to New York. Now, I journal all the time! Anyway, back to the point…

Don’t be a couch potato.

Successful people use their time wisely, so think about that the next time you watch 4 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy in a week.

Xo,

Mia

 

Boy Bye: 4 Signs You Should Walk Away

When you are young, dating and exploring life’s many possibilities, your only concern should be you.Your wants, your dreams, your goals, and your standards are all you need to adhere to. There is no need to compromise your needs for anyone or anything at such a volatile time of self growth.

I talked before about paying attention to the “red flags” you see when dating or when you first meet someone in So You Want To Find Bae? 7 Things You Need To Know, but didn’t go into specifics.

Of course, red flags will vary from person to person, as we all have things that we find to be a priority to us, but some tell-tell signs that is time to stop wasting your time and keep it moving include:

Inconsistency

giphy (1)When dating, this is one of the most important aspects. If your desire to hold a conversation with the other, much less even respond starts to fade, it might be a sign you should cut it off. The same thing goes the other way around. When phone calls and texts become less frequent with no explanation, take it as a sign something shady is going on. No one is too busy for someone they care about. You make time for what you want to make time for.

Lying

giphy (6)There is no way to have a healthy and happy relationship of either a romantic or platonic nature if honesty isn’t in the mix. Of course we all tell little white lies or omit details, but if you feel the need to tell a BOLD FACED lie and feel no remorse, that means the feelings of the other person don’t matter much to you. Just let it go and let them find someone who cares enough to keep it 100 with them. On the other side of the coin, if you can tell you are being lied to, cut them off. They aren’t trippin’ off of you, so don’t trip of them. Someone who lies to you or makes constant excuses  for their own sake doesn’t have much respect for you anyway. Let them run their mouth to someone else.

Uncertainty 

giphy (10)If someone is making you feel insecure or uncertain about your place, its typically apart of “the game.” You know the game. The one where you strategically do or say things to keep the other guessing. Well that is all fine and dandy, until someone is sitting there lost in the sauce about what the hell is really going on.

Personally, I don’t think there should be a time in any relationship where you feel that you have to question your stance.

“Are we talking?”

“Are we exclusive?”

 Does s/he really fwm?”

Don’t waste your time with someone who keeps you in limbo.When someone is really feeling you, you know it. It will show through not only their words, but through their actions as well.

Conversation shift

giphy (7)If you go from talking to someone like they are your best friend to pulling teeth to have a conversation, it’s over. You should not have to force conversation with anyone, especially someone you are attempting to build a relationship with. Boring and bland conversation is someone’s way of slowly dropping you without having to say it. “Mia, how do you know?  Well, I’ve been the victim and I’ve been the culprit (oops), so I can only share what I have seen and have done.

There are far more important things to be focused on in your personal journey than to entertain someone for the sake of your phone not being dry or wanting to have someone to go on dates with. Your time and your spirit is precious. Spend it with people whom you enjoy being around, who better you as a person, and genuinely care about your well being.

There are plenty of fish in the sea, and as long as you keep focusing on you and your own growth, the right ones will come to you. In the meantime, don’t put up with anyone’s bullshit for the sake of “not being alone.” There is nothing wrong with dropping what you don’t deserve, to get what you really want.

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Make It Last Forever: How To Maintain Long Distance Friendships

It’s been a whole year since I have graduated from college. Regardless of what my next step was (which was completely unknown), my friends whom I had lived, loved and laughed with for the past four years and I were going to separate. For a while questions plagued us like, “Would we still talk?” and “Are we still going to see each other?”

It was disheartening to think of our unique and magnificent bond might be gone, but only time would tell if we would really fall off. One year in, and I am happy to report that we have all maintained our friendship quite well. Though we have had hiccups, new cities and new lives, we have all still managed to keep one another a priority. That’s what friendship is. It’s consideration.

On top of having maintained my college group of friends (We3), my high school friend group and I have managed to truly embody what is means to be, “Day Ones.” Whether we don’t speak for months, or talk everyday all day, we know that it’s our duty to be there when called upon.

Now that graduations are happening all around the country, I thought I’d share some of the things I’ve done with my friends that has helped us to maintain and grow our friendship, despite our physical locations. Here are my top seven tips to actually being best friends for life.

 

  1. Accept that you are at different places – At one point, some of my friends were well adjusted with their new schools or jobs, and I was still searching for what my next move was. There are going to be times in life where you might not be at the same level on a lot of things. Whether it be your location, education, career, political view, or mindset, it is okay to be in different places, that’s just life.
  2. sy5tpqxjljeqeTame the jealousy – Even though you may accept that you are in different places that does not mean you won’t get jealous. YOU ARE IN FACT A HUMAN! Jealousy can creep up on you when you are focused on others progress and not enough on your own personal growth. Did your friend get promoted before you? Are you low-key hating because they make more money than you? As a friend you want them to succeed! So as Joey Gladstone has said time and time again, CUT IT OUT No one likes a hater.
  3. Never forget the big stuff – Just as you have to accept that you won’t talk to each other all day all the time, you can’t forgot to connect when big things happen. Did you get a new boo? A new job? Make sure you go out of your way to share those accomplishments. No one who is your close friend wants to find that out via Snap Chat or Facebook. Not only is it hurtful, it makes a statement that you rather tell strangers and randoms than someone who has been there with you from the beginning.
  4. ktgvgtov1er0yBe considerate and check in – Last time you talked, maybe a friend didn’t seem so good. Take the time from your new busy life to still be a good friend. Send a “Hey, how are you are?” text or maybe an uplifting affirmation or scripture. A phone call can go a long way as well. Even if your friend is doing well, if you see something that reminds you of them, hit them up. Everyone wants to know that they are thought about and loved.
  5. Be present – Of course you can no longer physically be there for all of life’s daily ups and downs, but I guarantee that you will get emergency texts and calls with both
    exciting and terrible news. Guess what you have to do? ANSWER. That’s it.
    Don’t screen all the calls or promise to call back later when you know you won’t. Enough of those and you will make your friends feel as if they are not important. People often do this when they get in a new relationship to. Forgetting your friends for bae is one sure fire way to lose them. So don’t be mad if they stop answering for you too, since you want to be fake.
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  6. #ProTip: Group Messages . GroupMe saves lives. Being able to pop in and talk to whomever is available at the time is nice. You can drop in announcements, throw backs, and/or random anecdotes to share. It’s nice to have your friends in the same place to make it easier to check in, even if it’s not IRL.
  7. Meet up – Traveling doesn’t always have to be a big production. Hop on the Mega Bus or in the car and go see a friend for a weekend.bqwsef3p6ahm8 It’s important to be able to kick it and be surrounded by their love. Make the sacrifice, save your money and plan stuff!  GO on a vacation or hang out inside for free. Sometimes a little girl times binging Netflix and scarfing Talenti is needed. We3 has reunited in some capacity for homecoming (September) New Year’s (December) and graduation (May); with reunions in July and August soon to follow.It’s not always easy, but we make it work.

 

Overall I think it is important to remember that in order to have a friend, you have to be one. Friends are not easy to make, so it is important to hold on to the good ones you have.

Friendships are relationships too. Like any kind of relationship, be it romantic, familial or platonic, you must put in work. No one HAS to be your friend. Yes, it’s natural to grow apart from some people and there’s nothing wrong with that, but some are too special to let go. Those are the ones you put the effort into. Those are worth fighting for.

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We Gon’ Be Alright: 5 Things to Remember When Life Throws a Curveball

It is officially (though it doesn’t feel like it) Spring!  High school seniors are committing to colleges and participating in “promposals”,  while college seniors are holding on to the last single “you know what” to give. (You soon to be collge grads might want to check out 6 Tips To Survive The (Post) Grad Struggle). Engagements, weddings, and babies are flooding my Facebook timeline meaning that tons of folks are in the midst of a lot of…..

Change and Transition

Life is tossing new milestones in the form of diplomas, marriages, and children around right now. As amazing as these can be, it does not make them easy to adjust and adapt to. People tend to reject the unfamiliar and fight against change as if it can be stopped without realizing its true value and power. Change is inevitable to your journey and the overall story of your life. Though not all change is good, all life changes teach valuable lessons that test your strength, character, and faith. When major things start to happen in your life, your focus can tend to lean towards the negative end of the spectrum. Currently, I am going through some new life changes and amazing milestones. Like all my life lessons, I wanted to shared what’s helped me on my new journey. Here are a few ways to accept, go through, and grow through major life changes.

  1. Let it hit you
    • Change is often quickly rejected. We love to feel comfortable and secure in our lives, so when things get turned upside down we don’t know to react. Major life change can be scary so we ignore it. We refuse to accept it, prepare for it, or acknowledge it. Do yourself a favor and EMBRACE it. Understand that even though it is new (and possibly scary) it is coming whether you are ready or not.
  2. Address your initial negative thoughts
    • Initially your mind is probably going to freak you out. Over thinking and over analyzing all the possible thing that could go wrong. Let your mind go there, but don’t dwell on those thoughts for too long. That’s just your fear talking. Address those negative thoughts and understand that’s they are normal but focusing on negative things attract more negative things.
  3. List the potential benefits
    • Change = progression. When you go through life changes, you are put in tough situations. Those are situations that show you are tough, strong and powerful you really are. Those are the situations we should want to go through. Of course, we aren’t always handed great life changing decisions to adapt to, but by remembering that even through those you will become a better person can offer some solace.
  4. Give wiggle room
    • Changing and transitioning is already hard enough, so go with the flow. When I first got to NY, I was beating myself up for everything not happening right away. I had to give myself time to figure out my new commute, make time to talk to my family, make time to blog, and no when to NOT go out. Expecting things to be perfect right away is a sure fire way to add stress to your life. Stay present in the moment and watch your reactions. Things will get easier and you will have a new normal soon enough.
  5. Remember it will happen again
    • I think the best tidbit I can give is, “Life is a journey.” We are not meant to stay the same person throughout our lives. It is expected and required that we grow. Change is the only constant we can rely on. It is inevitable. Regardless, it’s important we remember, be it good or bad, things will flip upside down again soon enough. That is life. Always remember:

“If God got us we then gon’ be alright” – Kendrick Lamar