No one likes the girl that abandons all her friends as soon as she gets a significant other! LITERALLY, NO ONE WILL EVER LIKE THAT GIRL.
I’ve dealt with this many times with friends and have even lost some due to it. When I entered into a new relationship last year, I was determined to not become that girl. As much as everything is puppies and rainbows in the beginning of a relationship, it may not always be that way. The last thing you want to do is put all your time and energy into your S.O, then you all break up and you’re left alone with no friends.
I can’t lie and pretend like it is easy to balance the two. Sometimes, I honestly don’t want to hang out with anyone else but my boyfriend. Other times, my friends have weekends of events planned and no matter how much I want to go to everything, I have to remember to make time for my man too.
So far, so good. I have managed to split my time pretty well. No one is feeling neglected, and I still have time for myself. I think it is important to remember to not get caught up in pleasing everyone. Make sure you are happy with how you are spending your time because at the end of the day, you have to live with your decisions. I have been learning on the job, but here are a few tips on how to balance it all.
- Your S.O. and your friends can be friends too!
- For me, this has been pretty easy. I met my boyfriend through his best friend, so he is already a part of my crew. It makes going out and weekend activities much easier when bae and besties are all friends as well. At the same time, you cannot force your boyfriend and your friends to get along. As partners, you should both be open and willing to meet and get to know each other’s friends. They are a huge part of your life and you want to incorporate your significant other. No one wants to have to live two lives. In past relationships, I have been with guys who had no intentions of being friends with my friends, needless to say they got dropped.
- Communicate openly with everyone
- Personally, I feel terrible when a friend reaches out to me to hangout and I already have plans with my boyfriend. I also feel guilty when my boyfriend wants to spend time together and I have a friend obligation. That’s honestly just because I am a partially a people pleaser. Well, I want to please those I care about at least. The best way to handle these situations is to be open as to why you cannot attend, and offer another time. THIS ONLY WORKS IF YOU DON’T CANCEL. I am guilty of flaking on stuff due to this super cold NY winter, but you will feel like a much better S.O. or friend if you follow through, not to mention it will mean a lot to them as well.
- Hang out with your couple friends
- Friends that are in relationships too are awesome to have. Double dating is a great way to hang out with your friends while still getting to be boo’d with your SO. Hanging out with your couple friends is different than hanging out with your friends, as they don’t get grossed out when you are canoodling and sneaking kisses with bae.
- Have a loose “schedule”
- Your schedule shouldn’t be concrete, I mean, live a little. But you should take the initiative to make sure to spread your time around. Schedule a girls night ahead of time. If you are the one orchestrating the turn-up, it demonstrates that you are making an effort. Set a day of the week for date night with bae. A schedule will ensure that you are not only spreading your time around, but keeping yourself a priority.
It is 100% possible to have it all. Friendships, like romantic relationships, require work. You cannot expect to have good friends if you don’t know how to be one.