Recently, my girlfriends and I have been having some in depth conversations about dating and relationships. At our age, we are starting to see a lot of engagements and babies pop up on our IG and Facebook timelines. To be honest, it makes you think, “What am I doing wrong?”
What we have come to realize is nothing, we are doing nothing wrong. Society has placed this nonsensical idea in our heads that you must go to college, get a degree, and get married all before you are 25. Well I am 22 now, and I am so far from being ready for marriage it isn’t even funny.
After many conversations, we decided to take a different approach to dating. Personally, I think these “rules” about dating can apply to anyone, of any sex, at any age. Removing the pressure from yourself can make you a whole lot happier and life a whole lot more simple.
1) There Is No Timeline
- Lots of young women (and men) feel like there is a specific time in which they should be getting married. Society has socialized us to think that we are supposed to be married by a certain age. That timeline that we tend to have is in our heads. It does not exists, like the limit. It’s not illegal to get married after 25.
2) No #WasteHisTime2016 or #WasteHerTime2016
- First off, this shit was funny, but quite stupid. By wasting his or her time, you are wasting your own. There is absolutely no point in “talking to” or dating someone you see absolutely nothing with. That unnecessary drama and emotional roller-coaster can be avoided if you would just leave the bullshit alone. Simplify your life by getting rid of baggage.
3) Being Alone Doesn’t Have to Equal Lonely
- Fear of being #ForeverAlone is one reason I have seen many people stay in bad situations. Being alone has negative connotation. Alone and lonely have two different meanings (see below). Being alone gives you the time to think about your own personal goals in life without the influence of someone else’s.
- Lonely – sad because one has no friends or company.
- Alone – having no one else present; on one’s own.
4) If It Starts Off Hard, It’s Not Going to Get Easier
- Yes, relationships are tough. Dating shouldn’t be. The early stages of dating should be light and fun. You should be getting to know one another without too much pressure. If you are only a few weeks in and there are already red flags, PAY ATTENTION. Those flags are there for a reason. You don’t force a puzzle piece to fit, you find a new place for it, ya know what I mean?
5) Be What You Want to Attract
- If you are looking for an intelligent, successful, fine, fit, loving and encouraging partner, you should be those things. I can scroll through Twitter and see tons of people talking about their dream spouse. “I just want a godly, fit, fine, successful and rich bae. Is that too much to ask for?” If you are a lazy couch potato with no motivation or drive, I promise you, that’s exactly what you will attract.
6) Don’t Settle
- That fear of being alone will sometimes make you accept the stuff that you hate. It might make you accept being treated badly, or being ignored. Only you know what you want and need in a relationship. If your partner cares about you, they are willing to make those compromises. JUST AS YOU HAVE TO. Don’t settle for some bs because you don’t want to be alone. Trust me, you will feel more lonely in a relationship or “situationship” with someone who doesn’t understand you, or care about you then you will by yourself.
7) Get to Know Yourself
- We are constantly evolving. I learn something new about myself all the time. I learn something new I like or find a new talent or passion I have. I am constantly evolving into the woman that I want and am meant to be. Instead of moping about being single, get to know who you are and do new things. Step out of your comfort zone and try something you have wanted to try. Waiting for someone to make you happy is the quickest way to being unhappy. Happiness is a choice; you can’t put that much power into someone else’s hands.
Now I know you are probably like, “Who does Mia think she is, she doesn’t have man,” and you are hella right. But one thing I do have is confidence that my #ForeverBae is out here somewhere getting his life together just as I am doing mine. There is no rush to find your soul mate. God will give them to you when you are ready.
Until then, just relax, be happy, and live your life for you. 🙂