I was going to write about the incident that happened with my LAST blog post via Twitter that spun into a 5-hour drag session of a man who tried to PLAGIARIZE MY WORK, but then realized there was a much larger message that needed to be highlighted. In the midst of all the pettiness, I received an overwhelming amount of support from other Black women. Before I opened my mouth to defend myself, there were already a slew of women doing so. Of course the support started from my friends, but it quickly expanded beyond my circle. Women I had never talked to, heard of, or met began to go out of their way to let me know that they had my back. This brought me to two realizations:
- #BlackGirlMagic is real, alive and well.
- If we united, us “voiceless” (as a young black man so eloquently described us) women can indeed be heard.
Often times women, particularly Black women, are in competition with one another. Every woman wants to be the most intelligent, prettiest, or “baddest” as if someone else’s success and joy can somehow hinder or prevent their own.
Of course this subconscious mindset is directly linked to the centuries of systematic oppression women and people of color have had to endure. But for your attention span’s sake let’s address how we, women of color, can come together to better elevate ourselves, each other, and our communities.
- Look for the positive
- Social media has made it easy for us to scroll down our timeline and decide what we like and dislike. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having an opinion, but if you are only pointing out the negative in someone else, you have a problem. A positive thought is 100xs more powerful than a negative thought. So, before you start doggin’ her weave or going in on his grammar, think about the karma that can brought about and turn it around by pointing out something positive. “Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones.”
- Support their goals
- Social media is also used as a platform to share good news, express desires, and ask for support. Double tapping on a status that another women posted will not hurt you or your ego. In fact, it might help her! No one shares things they are ashamed of too often; so the post was clearly something to be proud of. Next time you see that someone has gotten a new job, gone to school, or left her piece of shit man, double tap/like it! Show her your support! YOU GON HEAD GIRL, I SEE YOU!
- There is NOTHING wrong with speaking to a stranger. Don’t feel entitled to hold an entire conversation, but a greeting is always nice and effortless to share. Recently, I held a job at a company where there were no other African Americans at my company. As much as I tried to ignore it, it was still very apparent. It was nice when I would walk to our shared workspace bathroom and see another women of color from a different company. Those women simply saying “Hello,” often made me feel less alone.
- Encourage one another
- It is natural for us to encourage our friends and family, but why not strangers or “cyber friends?” Lately, I have caught myself going out of my way to just leave comments or Snap messages to people I rarely speak to letting them know that I see what they are doing and I am proud. I follow a lot of single moms and it fills my heart to see all they do for their children. I also follow many black women who have started their own businesses. Everyone likes their work recognized, it doesn’t hurt you to love on others.
Practicing positivity and uplifting others is good for your own sake. The more love and positivity you exude, the happier you will be. It is easy to get jealous of others doing what you would like or even talk shit about women you think you are better than, but it will come back to you. And in the end, it divides us. In the sexist, classist, and racist society we are in, we don’t need any more division.
I can say all of this because I am naturally petty person. The love child of BlacChyna and Drake, if you will. I shall not lie and say I am not. I have, however been actively seeking ways to combat that. Petty is not cute. It can be funny at times, but too much of it is just immature, childish, and damaging. There is a balance that needs to happen. A line that has to be draw. Not just for the sake of ourselves, but for the sake of our people and future. #BlackGirlMagic is real and we must not diminish it by putting each other down due to our own insecurities, subconscious and/or non-existent competition.
“Treat others how you want to be treated.”
“You reap what you sew.”
“God don’t like ugly.”
Time and time again we have heard this, but do we actually apply it? Two of the hardest things in this world to be, are black and a woman. Why make it harder for your fellow sisters? Together our strength, beauty, power, and intelligence creates room for us all to shine.
***This post is dedicated to all of the fantastic women who not only came to my defense, but read and supported miainthemedia.com. You didn’t have to do that, but your support means everything. ❤